If Humans Laid Eggs

I haven’t chewed food in five days and I think I’m starting to lose my mind. Call it strong will, stubbornness or sheer stupidity but I decided to go on a full juice cleanse for six days. Not my quarterly 10 day vegan juice/fruit/salad cleanse but no solids.

I can’t focus and my already bad memory is nonexistent. I spend my day back and forth between the office and the bathroom trying to remember what I was doing before having to relieve myself yet again.

I managed to cook all day Sunday without tasting or eating a spare French fry but I’ve been craving a soft boiled egg after seeing my cousins post on Facebook. I decided to torture myself some more so I boiled six. I gave one to my father, one to the cook and my mother cracked one on my head.

I was carrying two in each hand and one in my pocket. I decided to give one to my dog. I sat and watched her eat the perfectly cooked soft boiled egg with the oozing yolk. It looked really good and I had to look away.

I started playing with one of the eggs and was surprised by the size. How big does a chicken have to be to lay an XL Jumbo egg? These things aren’t that small and it can’t be comfortable for anyone to squeeze one out.

After watching my dog give birth years ago, I always thought how much more efficient and painless it would have been to give birth to a sac but an egg would be so much easier!

But then I remembered that chickens lay regardless of being fertilized or not. I can’t imagine popping one out every time a woman ovulated. What would we do with all those eggs and we are so stupid now what would we do with the fertilized ones? There’d be fertilized eggs abandoned everywhere!

I’ve decided to no longer question God and his creations because ultimately there’s a good reason why he did it. Did I just have an epithany?

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